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ACT I, SCENE I.

DUKE ORSINO's palace.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and other Lords; Musicians attending

DUKE ORSINO
001: If music be the food of love, play on;
002: Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
003: The appetite may sicken, and so die.
004: That strain again! it had a dying fall:
005: O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,
006: That breathes upon a bank of violets,
007: Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
008: 'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
009: O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
010: That, notwithstanding thy capacity
011: Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
012: Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
013: But falls into abatement and low price,
014: Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
015: That it alone is high fantastical.

CURIO
016: Will you go hunt, my lord?

DUKE ORSINO
017: What, Curio?

CURIO
018: The hart.

DUKE ORSINO
019: Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
020: O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
021: Methought she purged the air of pestilence!
022: That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
023: And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
024: E'er since pursue me.
[Enter VALENTINE]
025: How now! what news from her?

VALENTINE
026: So please my lord, I might not be admitted;
027: But from her handmaid do return this answer:
028: The element itself, till seven years' heat,
029: Shall not behold her face at ample view;
030: But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
031: And water once a day her chamber round
032: With eye-offending brine: all this to season
033: A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh
034: And lasting in her sad remembrance.

DUKE ORSINO
035: O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame
036: To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
037: How will she love, when the rich golden shaft
038: Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else
039: That live in her; when liver, brain and heart,
040: These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd
041: Her sweet perfections with one self king!
042: Away before me to sweet beds of flowers:
043: Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE II.

The sea-coast.

Enter VIOLA, a Captain, and Sailors

VIOLA
001: What country, friends, is this?

Captain
002: This is Illyria, lady.

VIOLA
003: And what should I do in Illyria?
004: My brother he is in Elysium.
005: Perchance he is not drown'd: what think you, sailors?

Captain
006: It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

VIOLA
007: O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.

Captain
008: True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
009: Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
010: When you and those poor number saved with you
011: Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
012: Most provident in peril, bind himself,
013: Courage and hope both teaching him the practise,
014: To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;
015: Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
016: I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
017: So long as I could see.

VIOLA
018: For saying so, there's gold:
019: Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
020: Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
021: The like of him. Know'st thou this country?

Captain
022: Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
023: Not three hours' travel from this very place.

VIOLA
024: Who governs here?

Captain
025: A noble duke, in nature as in name.

VIOLA
026: What is the name?

Captain
027: Orsino.

VIOLA
028: Orsino! I have heard my father name him:
029: He was a bachelor then.

Captain
030: And so is now, or was so very late;
031: For but a month ago I went from hence,
032: And then 'twas fresh in murmur,--as, you know,
033: What great ones do the less will prattle of,--
034: That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

VIOLA
035: What's she?

Captain
036: A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
037: That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her
038: In the protection of his son, her brother,
039: Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,
040: They say, she hath abjured the company
041: And sight of men.

VIOLA
042: O that I served that lady
043: And might not be delivered to the world,
044: Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
045: What my estate is!

Captain
046: That were hard to compass;
047: Because she will admit no kind of suit,
048: No, not the duke's.

VIOLA
049: There is a fair behavior in thee, captain;
050: And though that nature with a beauteous wall
051: Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
052: I will believe thou hast a mind that suits
053: With this thy fair and outward character.
054: I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
055: Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
056: For such disguise as haply shall become
057: The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:
058: Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him:
059: It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing
060: And speak to him in many sorts of music
061: That will allow me very worth his service.
062: What else may hap to time I will commit;
063: Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.

Captain
064: Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
065: When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

VIOLA
066: I thank thee: lead me on.

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE III.

OLIVIA'S house.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
001: What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
002: her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

MARIA
003: By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
004: nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
005: exceptions to your ill hours.

SIR TOBY BELCH
006: Why, let her except, before excepted.

MARIA
007: Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest
008: limits of order.

SIR TOBY BELCH
009: Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
010: these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be
011: these boots too: an they be not, let them hang
012: themselves in their own straps.

MARIA
013: That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
014: my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
015: knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

SIR TOBY BELCH
016: Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

MARIA
017: Ay, he.

SIR TOBY BELCH
018: He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

MARIA
019: What's that to the purpose?

SIR TOBY BELCH
020: Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

MARIA
021: Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
022: he's a very fool and a prodigal.

SIR TOBY BELCH
023: Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the
024: viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages
025: word for word without book, and hath all the good
026: gifts of nature.

MARIA
027: He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
028: he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that
029: he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
030: hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent
031: he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

SIR TOBY BELCH
032: By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
033: that say so of him. Who are they?

MARIA
034: They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

SIR TOBY BELCH
035: With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
036: her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
037: drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill
038: that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn
039: o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
040: Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW
041: Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!

SIR TOBY BELCH
042: Sweet Sir Andrew!

SIR ANDREW
043: Bless you, fair shrew.

MARIA
044: And you too, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH
045: Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

SIR ANDREW
046: What's that?

SIR TOBY BELCH
047: My niece's chambermaid.

SIR ANDREW
048: Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

MARIA
049: My name is Mary, sir.

SIR ANDREW
050: Good Mistress Mary Accost,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
051: You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board
052: her, woo her, assail her.

SIR ANDREW
053: By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
054: company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?

MARIA
055: Fare you well, gentlemen.

SIR TOBY BELCH
056: An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst
057: never draw sword again.

SIR ANDREW
058: An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
059: draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have
060: fools in hand?

MARIA
061: Sir, I have not you by the hand.

SIR ANDREW
062: Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.

MARIA
063: Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
064: your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.

SIR ANDREW
065: Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?

MARIA
066: It's dry, sir.

SIR ANDREW
067: Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
068: keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?

MARIA
069: A dry jest, sir.

SIR ANDREW
070: Are you full of them?

MARIA
071: Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,
072: now I let go your hand, I am barren.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
073: O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
074: see thee so put down?

SIR ANDREW
075: Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
076: put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
077: than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
078: great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

SIR TOBY BELCH
079: No question.

SIR ANDREW
080: An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
081: to-morrow, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY BELCH
082: Pourquoi, my dear knight?

SIR ANDREW
083: What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had
084: bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
085: fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but
086: followed the arts!

SIR TOBY BELCH
087: Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

SIR ANDREW
088: Why, would that have mended my hair?

SIR TOBY BELCH
089: Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

SIR ANDREW
090: But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

SIR TOBY BELCH
091: Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I
092: hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs
093: and spin it off.

SIR ANDREW
094: Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
095: will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
096: she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.

SIR TOBY BELCH
097: She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
098: her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
099: have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,
100: man.

SIR ANDREW
101: I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
102: strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
103: and revels sometimes altogether.

SIR TOBY BELCH
104: Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

SIR ANDREW
105: As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
106: degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
107: with an old man.

SIR TOBY BELCH
108: What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

SIR ANDREW
109: Faith, I can cut a caper.

SIR TOBY BELCH
110: And I can cut the mutton to't.

SIR ANDREW
111: And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
112: as any man in Illyria.

SIR TOBY BELCH
113: Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
114: these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to
115: take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost
116: thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
117: a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
118: so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
119: dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?
120: I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
121: leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

SIR ANDREW
122: Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
123: flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?

SIR TOBY BELCH
124: What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?

SIR ANDREW
125: Taurus! That's sides and heart.

SIR TOBY BELCH
126: No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the
127: caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE IV.

DUKE ORSINO's palace.

Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire

VALENTINE
001: If the duke continue these favours towards you,
002: Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath
003: known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

VIOLA
004: You either fear his humour or my negligence, that
005: you call in question the continuance of his love:
006: is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?

VALENTINE
007: No, believe me.

VIOLA
008: I thank you. Here comes the count.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and Attendants

DUKE ORSINO
009: Who saw Cesario, ho?

VIOLA
010: On your attendance, my lord; here.

DUKE ORSINO
011: Stand you a while aloof, Cesario,
012: Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd
013: To thee the book even of my secret soul:
014: Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;
015: Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
016: And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
017: Till thou have audience.

VIOLA
018: Sure, my noble lord,
019: If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
020: As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

DUKE ORSINO
021: Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds
022: Rather than make unprofited return.

VIOLA
023: Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

DUKE ORSINO
024: O, then unfold the passion of my love,
025: Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:
026: It shall become thee well to act my woes;
027: She will attend it better in thy youth
028: Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.

VIOLA
029: I think not so, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO
030: Dear lad, believe it;
031: For they shall yet belie thy happy years,
032: That say thou art a man: Diana's lip
033: Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe
034: Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,
035: And all is semblative a woman's part.
036: I know thy constellation is right apt
037: For this affair. Some four or five attend him;
038: All, if you will; for I myself am best
039: When least in company. Prosper well in this,
040: And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
041: To call his fortunes thine.

VIOLA
042: I'll do my best
043: To woo your lady:
[Aside]
044: yet, a barful strife!
045: Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE V.

OLIVIA'S house.

Enter MARIA and Clown

MARIA
001: Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will
002: not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in
003: way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Clown
004: Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
005: world needs to fear no colours.

MARIA
006: Make that good.

Clown
007: He shall see none to fear.

MARIA
008: A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that
009: saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

Clown
010: Where, good Mistress Mary?

MARIA
011: In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

Clown
012: Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
013: that are fools, let them use their talents.

MARIA
014: Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or,
015: to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Clown
016: Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
017: for turning away, let summer bear it out.

MARIA
018: You are resolute, then?

Clown
019: Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.

MARIA
020: That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both
021: break, your gaskins fall.

Clown
022: Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
023: Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
024: piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

MARIA
025: Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my
026: lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

Exit

Clown
027: Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
028: Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
029: prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
030: pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
031: 'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'
[Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
032: God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA
033: Take the fool away.

Clown
034: Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLIVIA
035: Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
036: besides, you grow dishonest.

Clown
037: Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
038: will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
039: the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
040: himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
041: he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
042: that's mended is but patched: virtue that
043: transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
044: amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
045: simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
046: what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
047: calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
048: away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

OLIVIA
049: Sir, I bade them take away you.

Clown
050: Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
051: facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
052: motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
053: prove you a fool.

OLIVIA
054: Can you do it?

Clown
055: Dexterously, good madonna.

OLIVIA
056: Make your proof.

Clown
057: I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
058: of virtue, answer me.

OLIVIA
059: Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.

Clown
060: Good madonna, why mournest thou?

OLIVIA
061: Good fool, for my brother's death.

Clown
062: I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA
063: I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

Clown
064: The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
065: soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

OLIVIA
066: What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?

MALVOLIO
067: Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
068: infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
069: better fool.

Clown
070: God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
071: better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
072: sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
073: word for two pence that you are no fool.

OLIVIA
074: How say you to that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
075: I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
076: barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
077: with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
078: than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard
079: already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to
080: him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men,
081: that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better
082: than the fools' zanies.

OLIVIA
083: Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
084: with a distempered appetite. To be generous,
085: guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those
086: things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets:
087: there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do
088: nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
089: man, though he do nothing but reprove.

Clown
090: Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
091: speakest well of fools!

Re-enter MARIA

MARIA
092: Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much
093: desires to speak with you.

OLIVIA
094: From the Count Orsino, is it?

MARIA
095: I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.

OLIVIA
096: Who of my people hold him in delay?

MARIA
097: Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

OLIVIA
098: Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but
099: madman: fie on him!
[Exit MARIA]
100: Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I
101: am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.
[Exit MALVOLIO]
102: Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and
103: people dislike it.

Clown
104: Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
105: son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
106: brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a
107: most weak pia mater.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH

OLIVIA
108: By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?

SIR TOBY BELCH
109: A gentleman.

OLIVIA
110: A gentleman! what gentleman?

SIR TOBY BELCH
111: 'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these
112: pickle-herring! How now, sot!

Clown
113: Good Sir Toby!

OLIVIA
114: Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?

SIR TOBY BELCH
115: Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.

OLIVIA
116: Ay, marry, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH
117: Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give
118: me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.

Exit

OLIVIA
119: What's a drunken man like, fool?

Clown
120: Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
121: draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
122: him; and a third drowns him.

OLIVIA
123: Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my
124: coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's
125: drowned: go, look after him.

Clown
126: He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
127: to the madman.

Exit

Re-enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO
128: Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with
129: you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to
130: understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
131: with you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to
132: have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore
133: comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him,
134: lady? he's fortified against any denial.

OLIVIA
135: Tell him he shall not speak with me.

MALVOLIO
136: Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your
137: door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to
138: a bench, but he'll speak with you.

OLIVIA
139: What kind o' man is he?

MALVOLIO
140: Why, of mankind.

OLIVIA
141: What manner of man?

MALVOLIO
142: Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.

OLIVIA
143: Of what personage and years is he?

MALVOLIO
144: Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for
145: a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a
146: cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him
147: in standing water, between boy and man. He is very
148: well-favoured and he speaks very shrewishly; one
149: would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

OLIVIA
150: Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.

MALVOLIO
151: Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

Exit

Re-enter MARIA

OLIVIA
152: Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.
153: We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

Enter VIOLA, and Attendants

VIOLA
154: The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

OLIVIA
155: Speak to me; I shall answer for her.
156: Your will?

VIOLA
157: Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,--I
158: pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house,
159: for I never saw her: I would be loath to cast away
160: my speech, for besides that it is excellently well
161: penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good
162: beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very
163: comptible, even to the least sinister usage.

OLIVIA
164: Whence came you, sir?

VIOLA
165: I can say little more than I have studied, and that
166: question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me
167: modest assurance if you be the lady of the house,
168: that I may proceed in my speech.

OLIVIA
169: Are you a comedian?

VIOLA
170: No, my profound heart: and yet, by the very fangs
171: of malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are you
172: the lady of the house?

OLIVIA
173: If I do not usurp myself, I am.

VIOLA
174: Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp
175: yourself; for what is yours to bestow is not yours
176: to reserve. But this is from my commission: I will
177: on with my speech in your praise, and then show you
178: the heart of my message.

OLIVIA
179: Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the praise.

VIOLA
180: Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.

OLIVIA
181: It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you,
182: keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,
183: and allowed your approach rather to wonder at you
184: than to hear you. If you be not mad, be gone; if
185: you have reason, be brief: 'tis not that time of
186: moon with me to make one in so skipping a dialogue.

MARIA
187: Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.

VIOLA
188: No, good swabber; I am to hull here a little
189: longer. Some mollification for your giant, sweet
190: lady. Tell me your mind: I am a messenger.

OLIVIA
191: Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when
192: the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.

VIOLA
193: It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of
194: war, no taxation of homage: I hold the olive in my
195: hand; my words are as fun of peace as matter.

OLIVIA
196: Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?

VIOLA
197: The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I
198: learned from my entertainment. What I am, and what I
199: would, are as secret as maidenhead; to your ears,
200: divinity, to any other's, profanation.

OLIVIA
201: Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.
[Exeunt MARIA and Attendants]
202: Now, sir, what is your text?

VIOLA
203: Most sweet lady,--

OLIVIA
204: A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it.
205: Where lies your text?

VIOLA
206: In Orsino's bosom.

OLIVIA
207: In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?

VIOLA
208: To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.

OLIVIA
209: O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more to say?

VIOLA
210: Good madam, let me see your face.

OLIVIA
211: Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate
212: with my face? You are now out of your text: but
213: we will draw the curtain and show you the picture.
214: Look you, sir, such a one I was this present: is't
215: not well done?

Unveiling

VIOLA
216: Excellently done, if God did all.

OLIVIA
217: 'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

VIOLA
218: 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
219: Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
220: Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,
221: If you will lead these graces to the grave
222: And leave the world no copy.

OLIVIA
223: O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give
224: out divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be
225: inventoried, and every particle and utensil
226: labelled to my will: as, item, two lips,
227: indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to
228: them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were
229: you sent hither to praise me?

VIOLA
230: I see you what you are, you are too proud;
231: But, if you were the devil, you are fair.
232: My lord and master loves you: O, such love
233: Could be but recompensed, though you were crown'd
234: The nonpareil of beauty!

OLIVIA
235: How does he love me?

VIOLA
236: With adorations, fertile tears,
237: With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

OLIVIA
238: Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:
239: Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,
240: Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
241: In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;
242: And in dimension and the shape of nature
243: A gracious person: but yet I cannot love him;
244: He might have took his answer long ago.

VIOLA
245: If I did love you in my master's flame,
246: With such a suffering, such a deadly life,
247: In your denial I would find no sense;
248: I would not understand it.

OLIVIA
249: Why, what would you?

VIOLA
250: Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
251: And call upon my soul within the house;
252: Write loyal cantons of contemned love
253: And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
254: Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
255: And make the babbling gossip of the air
256: Cry out 'Olivia!' O, You should not rest
257: Between the elements of air and earth,
258: But you should pity me!

OLIVIA
259: You might do much.
260: What is your parentage?

VIOLA
261: Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
262: I am a gentleman.

OLIVIA
263: Get you to your lord;
264: I cannot love him: let him send no more;
265: Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
266: To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
267: I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.

VIOLA
268: I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:
269: My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
270: Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;
271: And let your fervor, like my master's, be
272: Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.

Exit

OLIVIA
273: 'What is your parentage?'
274: 'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
275: I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;
276: Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions and spirit,
277: Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:
278: soft, soft!
279: Unless the master were the man. How now!
280: Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
281: Methinks I feel this youth's perfections
282: With an invisible and subtle stealth
283: To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
284: What ho, Malvolio!

Re-enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO
285: Here, madam, at your service.

OLIVIA
286: Run after that same peevish messenger,
287: The county's man: he left this ring behind him,
288: Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.
289: Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
290: Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:
291: If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,
292: I'll give him reasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.

MALVOLIO
293: Madam, I will.

Exit

OLIVIA
294: I do I know not what, and fear to find
295: Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
296: Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe;
297: What is decreed must be, and be this so.

Exit

ACT II, SCENE I.

The sea-coast.

Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN

ANTONIO
001: Will you stay no longer? nor will you not that I go with you?

SEBASTIAN
002: By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
003: me: the malignancy of my fate might perhaps
004: distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your
005: leave that I may bear my evils alone: it were a bad
006: recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.

ANTONIO
007: Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.

SEBASTIAN
008: No, sooth, sir: my determinate voyage is mere
009: extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent a
010: touch of modesty, that you will not extort from me
011: what I am willing to keep in; therefore it charges
012: me in manners the rather to express myself. You
013: must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,
014: which I called Roderigo. My father was that
015: Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard
016: of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both
017: born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased,
018: would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that;
019: for some hour before you took me from the breach of
020: the sea was my sister drowned.

ANTONIO
021: Alas the day!

SEBASTIAN
022: A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
023: me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
024: though I could not with such estimable wonder
025: overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
026: publish her; she bore a mind that envy could not but
027: call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt
028: water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.

ANTONIO
029: Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.

SEBASTIAN
030: O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.

ANTONIO
031: If you will not murder me for my love, let me be
032: your servant.

SEBASTIAN
033: If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
034: kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
035: Fare ye well at once: my bosom is full of kindness,
036: and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, that
037: upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell
038: tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.

Exit

ANTONIO
039: The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
040: I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
041: Else would I very shortly see thee there.
042: But, come what may, I do adore thee so,
043: That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.

Exit

ACT II, SCENE II.

A street.

Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following

MALVOLIO
001: Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?

VIOLA
002: Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since
003: arrived but hither.

MALVOLIO
004: She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
005: saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.
006: She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord
007: into a desperate assurance she will none of him:
008: and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to
009: come again in his affairs, unless it be to report
010: your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.

VIOLA
011: She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.

MALVOLIO
012: Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
013: will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
014: stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
015: it his that finds it.

Exit

VIOLA
016: I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
017: Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!
018: She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
019: That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
020: For she did speak in starts distractedly.
021: She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
022: Invites me in this churlish messenger.
023: None of my lord's ring! why, he sent her none.
024: I am the man: if it be so, as 'tis,
025: Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
026: Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness,
027: Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
028: How easy is it for the proper-false
029: In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!
030: Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!
031: For such as we are made of, such we be.
032: How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;
033: And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
034: And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
035: What will become of this? As I am man,
036: My state is desperate for my master's love;
037: As I am woman,--now alas the day!--
038: What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
039: O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
040: It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

Exit

ACT II, SCENE III.

OLIVIA's house.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH
001: Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
002: midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
003: surgere,' thou know'st,--

SIR ANDREW
004: Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
005: late is to be up late.

SIR TOBY BELCH
006: A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
007: To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
008: early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
009: to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
010: four elements?

SIR ANDREW
011: Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
012: of eating and drinking.

SIR TOBY BELCH
013: Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
014: Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!

Enter Clown

SIR ANDREW
015: Here comes the fool, i' faith.

Clown
016: How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
017: of 'we three'?

SIR TOBY BELCH
018: Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.

SIR ANDREW
019: By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
020: had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
021: and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
022: sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
023: night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
024: Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
025: very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
026: leman: hadst it?

Clown
027: I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
028: is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
029: Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

SIR ANDREW
030: Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all
031: is done. Now, a song.

SIR TOBY BELCH
032: Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.

SIR ANDREW
033: There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--

Clown
034: Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY BELCH
035: A love-song, a love-song.

SIR ANDREW
036: Ay, ay: I care not for good life.

Clown [Sings]
037: O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
038: O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
039: That can sing both high and low:
040: Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
041: Journeys end in lovers meeting,
042: Every wise man's son doth know.

SIR ANDREW
043: Excellent good, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH
044: Good, good.

Clown [Sings]
045: What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
046: Present mirth hath present laughter;
047: What's to come is still unsure:
048: In delay there lies no plenty;
049: Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
050: Youth's a stuff will not endure.

SIR ANDREW
051: A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

SIR TOBY BELCH
052: A contagious breath.

SIR ANDREW
053: Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH
054: To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
055: But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we
056: rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three
057: souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?

SIR ANDREW
058: An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.

Clown
059: By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

SIR ANDREW
060: Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'

Clown
061: 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
062: constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.

SIR ANDREW
063: 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to
064: call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'

Clown
065: I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

SIR ANDREW
066: Good, i' faith. Come, begin.

Catch sung

Enter MARIA

MARIA
067: What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady
068: have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him
069: turn you out of doors, never trust me.

SIR TOBY BELCH
070: My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's
071: a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not
072: I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
073: Tillyvally. Lady!
[Sings]
074: 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

Clown
075: Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

SIR ANDREW
076: Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do
077: I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it
078: more natural.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings]
079: 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--

MARIA
080: For the love o' God, peace!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO
081: My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
082: no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
083: tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
084: alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your
085: coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse
086: of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
087: time in you?

SIR TOBY BELCH
088: We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO
089: Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me
090: tell you, that, though she harbours you as her
091: kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If
092: you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you
093: are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please
094: you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid
095: you farewell.

SIR TOBY BELCH
096: 'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

MARIA
097: Nay, good Sir Toby.

Clown
098: 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

MALVOLIO
099: Is't even so?

SIR TOBY BELCH
100: 'But I will never die.'

Clown
101: Sir Toby, there you lie.

MALVOLIO
102: This is much credit to you.

SIR TOBY BELCH
103: 'Shall I bid him go?'

Clown
104: 'What an if you do?'

SIR TOBY BELCH
105: 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

Clown
106: 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

SIR TOBY BELCH
107: Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a
108: steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
109: virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Clown
110: Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
111: mouth too.

SIR TOBY BELCH
112: Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with
113: crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO
114: Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any
115: thing more than contempt, you would not give means
116: for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

Exit

MARIA
117: Go shake your ears.

SIR ANDREW
118: 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
119: a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
120: break promise with him and make a fool of him.

SIR TOBY BELCH
121: Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
122: deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

MARIA
123: Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since the
124: youth of the count's was today with thy lady, she is
125: much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
126: alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
127: nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
128: think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:
129: I know I can do it.

SIR TOBY BELCH
130: Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.

MARIA
131: Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

SIR ANDREW
132: O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!

SIR TOBY BELCH
133: What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,
134: dear knight?

SIR ANDREW
135: I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
136: good enough.

MARIA
137: The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing
138: constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,
139: that cons state without book and utters it by great
140: swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so
141: crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is
142: his grounds of faith that all that look on him love
143: him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find
144: notable cause to work.

SIR TOBY BELCH
145: What wilt thou do?

MARIA
146: I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
147: love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
148: of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure
149: of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find
150: himself most feelingly personated. I can write very
151: like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we
152: can hardly make distinction of our hands.

SIR TOBY BELCH
153: Excellent! I smell a device.

SIR ANDREW
154: I have't in my nose too.

SIR TOBY BELCH
155: He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
156: that they come from my niece, and that she's in
157: love with him.

MARIA
158: My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.

SIR ANDREW
159: And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA
160: Ass, I doubt not.

SIR ANDREW
161: O, 'twill be admirable!

MARIA
162: Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic will
163: work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
164: fool make a third, where he shall find the letter:
165: observe his construction of it. For this night, to
166: bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
167: Good night, Penthesilea.

SIR ANDREW
168: Before me, she's a good wench.

SIR TOBY BELCH
169: She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me:
170: what o' that?

SIR ANDREW
171: I was adored once too.

SIR TOBY BELCH
172: Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
173: more money.

SIR ANDREW
174: If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

SIR TOBY BELCH
175: Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'
176: the end, call me cut.

SIR ANDREW
177: If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

SIR TOBY BELCH
178: Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late
179: to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.

Exeunt

ACT II, SCENE IV.

DUKE ORSINO's palace.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others

DUKE ORSINO
001: Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.
002: Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
003: That old and antique song we heard last night:
004: Methought it did relieve my passion much,
005: More than light airs and recollected terms
006: Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:
007: Come, but one verse.

CURIO
008: He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.

DUKE ORSINO
009: Who was it?

CURIO
010: Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady
011: Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.

DUKE ORSINO
012: Seek him out, and play the tune the while.
[Exit CURIO. Music plays]
013: Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love,
014: In the sweet pangs of it remember me;
015: For such as I am all true lovers are,
016: Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,
017: Save in the constant image of the creature
018: That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?

VIOLA
019: It gives a very echo to the seat
020: Where Love is throned.

DUKE ORSINO
021: Thou dost speak masterly:
022: My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye
023: Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves:
024: Hath it not, boy?

VIOLA
025: A little, by your favour.

DUKE ORSINO
026: What kind of woman is't?

VIOLA
027: Of your complexion.

DUKE ORSINO
028: She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?

VIOLA
029: About your years, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO
030: Too old by heaven: let still the woman take
031: An elder than herself: so wears she to him,
032: So sways she level in her husband's heart:
033: For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
034: Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
035: More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
036: Than women's are.

VIOLA
037: I think it well, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO
038: Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
039: Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;
040: For women are as roses, whose fair flower
041: Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.

VIOLA
042: And so they are: alas, that they are so;
043: To die, even when they to perfection grow!

Re-enter CURIO and Clown

DUKE ORSINO
044: O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.
045: Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
046: The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
047: And the free maids that weave their thread with bones
048: Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
049: And dallies with the innocence of love,
050: Like the old age.

Clown
051: Are you ready, sir?

DUKE ORSINO
052: Ay; prithee, sing.
[Music]

SONG.

Clown
053: Come away, come away, death,
054: And in sad cypress let me be laid;
055: Fly away, fly away breath;
056: I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
057: My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
058: O, prepare it!
059: My part of death, no one so true
060: Did share it.
061: Not a flower, not a flower sweet
062: On my black coffin let there be strown;
063: Not a friend, not a friend greet
064: My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
065: A thousand thousand sighs to save,
066: Lay me, O, where
067: Sad true lover never find my grave,
068: To weep there!

DUKE ORSINO
069: There's for thy pains.

Clown
070: No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

DUKE ORSINO
071: I'll pay thy pleasure then.

Clown
072: Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.

DUKE ORSINO
073: Give me now leave to leave thee.

Clown
074: Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
075: tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
076: thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
077: constancy put to sea, that their business might be
078: every thing and their intent every where; for that's
079: it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

Exit

DUKE ORSINO
080: Let all the rest give place.
[CURIO and Attendants retire]
081: Once more, Cesario,
082: Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty:
083: Tell her, my love, more noble than the world,
084: Prizes not quantity of dirty lands;
085: The parts that fortune hath bestow'd upon her,
086: Tell her, I hold as giddily as fortune;
087: But 'tis that miracle and queen of gems
088: That nature pranks her in attracts my soul.

VIOLA
089: But if she cannot love you, sir?

DUKE ORSINO
090: I cannot be so answer'd.

VIOLA
091: Sooth, but you must.
092: Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,
093: Hath for your love a great a pang of heart
094: As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her;
095: You tell her so; must she not then be answer'd?

DUKE ORSINO
096: There is no woman's sides
097: Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
098: As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart
099: So big, to hold so much; they lack retention
100: Alas, their love may be call'd appetite,
101: No motion of the liver, but the palate,
102: That suffer surfeit, cloyment and revolt;
103: But mine is all as hungry as the sea,
104: And can digest as much: make no compare
105: Between that love a woman can bear me
106: And that I owe Olivia.

VIOLA
107: Ay, but I know--

DUKE ORSINO
108: What dost thou know?

VIOLA
109: Too well what love women to men may owe:
110: In faith, they are as true of heart as we.
111: My father had a daughter loved a man,
112: As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,
113: I should your lordship.

DUKE ORSINO
114: And what's her history?

VIOLA
115: A blank, my lord. She never told her love,
116: But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,
117: Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought,
118: And with a green and yellow melancholy
119: She sat like patience on a monument,
120: Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?
121: We men may say more, swear more: but indeed
122: Our shows are more than will; for still we prove
123: Much in our vows, but little in our love.

DUKE ORSINO
124: But died thy sister of her love, my boy?

VIOLA
125: I am all the daughters of my father's house,
126: And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
127: Sir, shall I to this lady?

DUKE ORSINO
128: Ay, that's the theme.
129: To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,
130: My love can give no place, bide no denay.

Exeunt

ACT II, SCENE V.

OLIVIA's garden.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

SIR TOBY BELCH
001: Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.

FABIAN
002: Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport,
003: let me be boiled to death with melancholy.

SIR TOBY BELCH
004: Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
005: rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?

FABIAN
006: I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out o'
007: favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.

SIR TOBY BELCH
008: To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we will
009: fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW
010: An we do not, it is pity of our lives.

SIR TOBY BELCH
011: Here comes the little villain.
[Enter MARIA]
012: How now, my metal of India!

MARIA
013: Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
014: coming down this walk: he has been yonder i' the
015: sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half
016: hour: observe him, for the love of mockery; for I
017: know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
018: him. Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there,
[Throws down a letter]
019: for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.

Exit

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO
020: 'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
021: me she did affect me: and I have heard herself come
022: thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one
023: of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
024: exalted respect than any one else that follows her.
025: What should I think on't?

SIR TOBY BELCH
026: Here's an overweening rogue!

FABIAN
027: O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock
028: of him: how he jets under his advanced plumes!

SIR ANDREW
029: 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!

SIR TOBY BELCH
030: Peace, I say.

MALVOLIO
031: To be Count Malvolio!

SIR TOBY BELCH
032: Ah, rogue!

SIR ANDREW
033: Pistol him, pistol him.

SIR TOBY BELCH
034: Peace, peace!

MALVOLIO
035: There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
036: married the yeoman of the wardrobe.

SIR ANDREW
037: Fie on him, Jezebel!

FABIAN
038: O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how
039: imagination blows him.

MALVOLIO
040: Having been three months married to her, sitting in
041: my state,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
042: O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!

MALVOLIO
043: Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet
044: gown; having come from a day-bed, where I have left
045: Olivia sleeping,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
046: Fire and brimstone!

FABIAN
047: O, peace, peace!

MALVOLIO
048: And then to have the humour of state; and after a
049: demure travel of regard, telling them I know my
050: place as I would they should do theirs, to for my
051: kinsman Toby,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
052: Bolts and shackles!

FABIAN
053: O peace, peace, peace! now, now.

MALVOLIO
054: Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make
055: out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
056: up watch, or play with my--some rich jewel. Toby
057: approaches; courtesies there to me,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
058: Shall this fellow live?

FABIAN
059: Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.

MALVOLIO
060: I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
061: smile with an austere regard of control,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
062: And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?

MALVOLIO
063: Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
064: your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--

SIR TOBY BELCH
065: What, what?

MALVOLIO
066: 'You must amend your drunkenness.'

SIR TOBY BELCH
067: Out, scab!

FABIAN
068: Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.

MALVOLIO
069: 'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
070: a foolish knight,'--

SIR ANDREW
071: That's me, I warrant you.

MALVOLIO
072: 'One Sir Andrew,'--

SIR ANDREW
073: I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.

MALVOLIO
074: What employment have we here?

Taking up the letter

FABIAN
075: Now is the woodcock near the gin.

SIR TOBY BELCH
076: O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate reading
077: aloud to him!

MALVOLIO
078: By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
079: very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
080: great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

SIR ANDREW
081: Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?

MALVOLIO [Reads]
082: 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
083: wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
084: Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she
085: uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?

FABIAN
086: This wins him, liver and all.

MALVOLIO [Reads]
087: Jove knows I love: But who?
088: Lips, do not move;
089: No man must know.
090: 'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers
091: altered! 'No man must know:' if this should be
092: thee, Malvolio?

SIR TOBY BELCH
093: Marry, hang thee, brock!

MALVOLIO [Reads]
094: I may command where I adore;
095: But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
096: With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
097: M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.

FABIAN
098: A fustian riddle!

SIR TOBY BELCH
099: Excellent wench, say I.

MALVOLIO
100: 'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
101: me see, let me see, let me see.

FABIAN
102: What dish o' poison has she dressed him!

SIR TOBY BELCH
103: And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!

MALVOLIO
104: 'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
105: me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
106: evident to any formal capacity; there is no
107: obstruction in this: and the end,--what should
108: that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
109: that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A,
110: I,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
111: O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.

FABIAN
112: Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as
113: rank as a fox.

MALVOLIO
114: M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.

FABIAN
115: Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is
116: excellent at faults.

MALVOLIO
117: M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel;
118: that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.

FABIAN
119: And O shall end, I hope.

SIR TOBY BELCH
120: Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!

MALVOLIO
121: And then I comes behind.

FABIAN
122: Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see
123: more detraction at your heels than fortunes before
124: you.

MALVOLIO
125: M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and
126: yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for
127: every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!
128: here follows prose.
[Reads]
129: 'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I
130: am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
131: are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
132: have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open
133: their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them;
134: and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be,
135: cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
136: opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let
137: thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into
138: the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee
139: that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy
140: yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever
141: cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art
142: made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see
143: thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and
144: not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell.
145: She that would alter services with thee,
146: THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
147: Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is
148: open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors,
149: I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross
150: acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man.
151: I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade
152: me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady
153: loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of
154: late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered;
155: and in this she manifests herself to my love, and
156: with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits
157: of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will
158: be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
159: cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting
160: on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a
161: postscript.
[Reads]
162: 'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
163: entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
164: thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
165: presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.'
166: Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
167: everything that thou wilt have me.

Exit

FABIAN
168: I will not give my part of this sport for a pension
169: of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

SIR TOBY BELCH
170: I could marry this wench for this device.

SIR ANDREW
171: So could I too.

SIR TOBY BELCH
172: And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

SIR ANDREW
173: Nor I neither.

FABIAN
174: Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

Re-enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
175: Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

SIR ANDREW
176: Or o' mine either?

SIR TOBY BELCH
177: Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy
178: bond-slave?

SIR ANDREW
179: I' faith, or I either?

SIR TOBY BELCH
180: Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when
181: the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

MARIA
182: Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?

SIR TOBY BELCH
183: Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

MARIA
184: If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
185: his first approach before my lady: he will come to
186: her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
187: abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
188: and he will smile upon her, which will now be so
189: unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
190: melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him
191: into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
192: me.

SIR TOBY BELCH
193: To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!

SIR ANDREW
194: I'll make one too.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE I.

OLIVIA's garden.

Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour

VIOLA
001: Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
002: thy tabour?

Clown
003: No, sir, I live by the church.

VIOLA
004: Art thou a churchman?

Clown
005: No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
006: I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
007: the church.

VIOLA
008: So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
009: beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
010: tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.

Clown
011: You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
012: but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
013: wrong side may be turned outward!

VIOLA
014: Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with
015: words may quickly make them wanton.

Clown
016: I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.

VIOLA
017: Why, man?

Clown
018: Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
019: word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
020: are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.

VIOLA
021: Thy reason, man?

Clown
022: Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
023: words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
024: reason with them.

VIOLA
025: I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.

Clown
026: Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
027: conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
028: to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

VIOLA
029: Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?

Clown
030: No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
031: will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
032: fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
033: herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
034: her fool, but her corrupter of words.

VIOLA
035: I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.

Clown
036: Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
037: it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
038: the fool should be as oft with your master as with
039: my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

VIOLA
040: Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
041: Hold, there's expenses for thee.

Clown
042: Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

VIOLA
043: By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
044: one;
[Aside]
045: though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
046: lady within?

Clown
047: Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

VIOLA
048: Yes, being kept together and put to use.

Clown
049: I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
050: a Cressida to this Troilus.

VIOLA
051: I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.

Clown
052: The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
053: a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
054: within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
055: come; who you are and what you would are out of my
056: welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.

Exit

VIOLA
057: This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
058: And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
059: He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
060: The quality of persons, and the time,
061: And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
062: That comes before his eye. This is a practise
063: As full of labour as a wise man's art
064: For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
065: But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH
066: Save you, gentleman.

VIOLA
067: And you, sir.

SIR ANDREW
068: Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

VIOLA
069: Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.

SIR ANDREW
070: I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.

SIR TOBY BELCH
071: Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
072: you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA
073: I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
074: list of my voyage.

SIR TOBY BELCH
075: Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.

VIOLA
076: My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
077: understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.

SIR TOBY BELCH
078: I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

VIOLA
079: I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we
080: are prevented.
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
081: Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
082: odours on you!

SIR ANDREW
083: That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.

VIOLA
084: My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant
085: and vouchsafed ear.

SIR ANDREW
086: 'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
087: all three all ready.

OLIVIA
088: Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]
089: Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA
090: My duty, madam, and most humble service.

OLIVIA
091: What is your name?

VIOLA
092: Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.

OLIVIA
093: My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
094: Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:
095: You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

VIOLA
096: And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
097: Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA
098: For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
099: Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA
100: Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
101: On his behalf.

OLIVIA
102: O, by your leave, I pray you,
103: I bade you never speak again of him:
104: But, would you undertake another suit,
105: I had rather hear you to solicit that
106: Than music from the spheres.

VIOLA
107: Dear lady,--

OLIVIA
108: Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
109: After the last enchantment you did here,
110: A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
111: Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
112: Under your hard construction must I sit,
113: To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
114: Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
115: Have you not set mine honour at the stake
116: And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
117: That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
118: Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
119: Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA
120: I pity you.

OLIVIA
121: That's a degree to love.

VIOLA
122: No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,
123: That very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA
124: Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.
125: O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
126: If one should be a prey, how much the better
127: To fall before the lion than the wolf!
[Clock strikes]
128: The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
129: Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:
130: And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
131: Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
132: There lies your way, due west.

VIOLA
133: Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
134: Attend your ladyship!
135: You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA
136: Stay:
137: I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

VIOLA
138: That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA
139: If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA
140: Then think you right: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA
141: I would you were as I would have you be!

VIOLA
142: Would it be better, madam, than I am?
143: I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA
144: O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
145: In the contempt and anger of his lip!
146: A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
147: Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.
148: Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
149: By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,
150: I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
151: Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
152: Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
153: For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
154: But rather reason thus with reason fetter,
155: Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

VIOLA
156: By innocence I swear, and by my youth
157: I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
158: And that no woman has; nor never none
159: Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
160: And so adieu, good madam: never more
161: Will I my master's tears to you deplore.

OLIVIA
162: Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
163: That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE II.

OLIVIA's house.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

SIR ANDREW
001: No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

SIR TOBY BELCH
002: Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

FABIAN
003: You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW
004: Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
005: count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;
006: I saw't i' the orchard.

SIR TOBY BELCH
007: Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.

SIR ANDREW
008: As plain as I see you now.

FABIAN
009: This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

SIR ANDREW
010: 'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?

FABIAN
011: I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
012: judgment and reason.

SIR TOBY BELCH
013: And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah
014: was a sailor.

FABIAN
015: She did show favour to the youth in your sight only
016: to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to
017: put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
018: You should then have accosted her; and with some
019: excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should
020: have banged the youth into dumbness. This was
021: looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the
022: double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash
023: off, and you are now sailed into the north of my
024: lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle
025: on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by
026: some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.

SIR ANDREW
027: An't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy
028: I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
029: politician.

SIR TOBY BELCH
030: Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of
031: valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight
032: with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall
033: take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no
034: love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's
035: commendation with woman than report of valour.

FABIAN
036: There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW
037: Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

SIR TOBY BELCH
038: Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;
039: it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun
040: of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:
041: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be
042: amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
043: paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
044: bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.
045: Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
046: write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.

SIR ANDREW
047: Where shall I find you?

SIR TOBY BELCH
048: We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.

Exit SIR ANDREW

FABIAN
049: This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY BELCH
050: I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
051: strong, or so.

FABIAN
052: We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll
053: not deliver't?

SIR TOBY BELCH
054: Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the
055: youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
056: cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
057: opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as
058: will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of
059: the anatomy.

FABIAN
060: And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no
061: great presage of cruelty.

Enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
062: Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

MARIA
063: If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourself
064: into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is
065: turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
066: Christian, that means to be saved by believing
067: rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages
068: of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY BELCH
069: And cross-gartered?

MARIA
070: Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school
071: i' the church. I have dogged him, like his
072: murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
073: that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his
074: face into more lines than is in the new map with the
075: augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such
076: a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things
077: at him. I know my lady will strike him: if she do,
078: he'll smile and take't for a great favour.

SIR TOBY BELCH
079: Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE III.

A street.

Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

SEBASTIAN
001: I would not by my will have troubled you;
002: But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
003: I will no further chide you.

ANTONIO
004: I could not stay behind you: my desire,
005: More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth;
006: And not all love to see you, though so much
007: As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,
008: But jealousy what might befall your travel,
009: Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger,
010: Unguided and unfriended, often prove
011: Rough and unhospitable: my willing love,
012: The rather by these arguments of fear,
013: Set forth in your pursuit.

SEBASTIAN
014: My kind Antonio,
015: I can no other answer make but thanks,
016: And thanks; and ever oft good turns
017: Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
018: But, were my worth as is my conscience firm,
019: You should find better dealing. What's to do?
020: Shall we go see the reliques of this town?

ANTONIO
021: To-morrow, sir: best first go see your lodging.

SEBASTIAN
022: I am not weary, and 'tis long to night:
023: I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
024: With the memorials and the things of fame
025: That do renown this city.

ANTONIO
026: Would you'ld pardon me;
027: I do not without danger walk these streets:
028: Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his galleys
029: I did some service; of such note indeed,
030: That were I ta'en here it would scarce be answer'd.

SEBASTIAN
031: Belike you slew great number of his people.

ANTONIO
032: The offence is not of such a bloody nature;
033: Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
034: Might well have given us bloody argument.
035: It might have since been answer'd in repaying
036: What we took from them; which, for traffic's sake,
037: Most of our city did: only myself stood out;
038: For which, if I be lapsed in this place,
039: I shall pay dear.

SEBASTIAN
040: Do not then walk too open.

ANTONIO
041: It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse.
042: In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
043: Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet,
044: Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge
045: With viewing of the town: there shall you have me.

SEBASTIAN
046: Why I your purse?

ANTONIO
047: Haply your eye shall light upon some toy
048: You have desire to purchase; and your store,
049: I think, is not for idle markets, sir.

SEBASTIAN
050: I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you
051: For an hour.

ANTONIO
052: To the Elephant.

SEBASTIAN
053: I do remember.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE IV.

OLIVIA's garden.

Enter OLIVIA and MARIA

OLIVIA
001: I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
002: How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
003: For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
004: I speak too loud.
005: Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
006: And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
007: Where is Malvolio?

MARIA
008: He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
009: is, sure, possessed, madam.

OLIVIA
010: Why, what's the matter? does he rave?

MARIA
011: No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
012: ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
013: he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.

OLIVIA
014: Go call him hither.
[Exit MARIA]
015: I am as mad as he,
016: If sad and merry madness equal be.
[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO]
017: How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO
018: Sweet lady, ho, ho.

OLIVIA
019: Smilest thou?
020: I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

MALVOLIO
021: Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
022: obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
023: what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
024: with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
025: please all.'

OLIVIA
026: Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?

MALVOLIO
027: Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
028: did come to his hands, and commands shall be
029: executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.

OLIVIA
030: Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
031: To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.

OLIVIA
032: God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
033: thy hand so oft?

MARIA
034: How do you, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
035: At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.

MARIA
036: Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

MALVOLIO
037: 'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.

OLIVIA
038: What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
039: 'Some are born great,'--

OLIVIA
040: Ha!

MALVOLIO
041: 'Some achieve greatness,'--

OLIVIA
042: What sayest thou?

MALVOLIO
043: 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'

OLIVIA
044: Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO
045: 'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--

OLIVIA
046: Thy yellow stockings!

MALVOLIO
047: 'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'

OLIVIA
048: Cross-gartered!

MALVOLIO
049: 'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--

OLIVIA
050: Am I made?

MALVOLIO
051: 'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'

OLIVIA
052: Why, this is very midsummer madness.

Enter Servant

Servant
053: Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
054: returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he
055: attends your ladyship's pleasure.

OLIVIA
056: I'll come to him.
[Exit Servant]
057: Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
058: my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
059: care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the
060: half of my dowry.

Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA

MALVOLIO
061: O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
062: Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
063: the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
064: appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
065: in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
066: 'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
067: let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put
068: thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
069: consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad
070: face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
071: habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
072: limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
073: thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
074: fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
075: after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
076: adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no
077: scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
078: or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing
079: that can be can come between me and the full
080: prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
081: doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN

SIR TOBY BELCH
082: Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
083: the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
084: himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

FABIAN
085: Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
086: how is't with you, man?

MALVOLIO
087: Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
088: off.

MARIA
089: Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not
090: I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
091: care of him.

MALVOLIO
092: Ah, ha! does she so?

SIR TOBY BELCH
093: Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
094: with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how
095: is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
096: consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

MALVOLIO
097: Do you know what you say?

MARIA
098: La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
099: it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

FABIAN
100: Carry his water to the wise woman.

MARIA
101: Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I
102: live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.

MALVOLIO
103: How now, mistress!

MARIA
104: O Lord!

SIR TOBY BELCH
105: Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
106: you not see you move him? let me alone with him.

FABIAN
107: No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
108: rough, and will not be roughly used.

SIR TOBY BELCH
109: Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?

MALVOLIO
110: Sir!

SIR TOBY BELCH
111: Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for
112: gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
113: him, foul collier!

MARIA
114: Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

MALVOLIO
115: My prayers, minx!

MARIA
116: No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

MALVOLIO
117: Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
118: things: I am not of your element: you shall know
119: more hereafter.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
120: Is't possible?

FABIAN
121: If this were played upon a stage now, I could
122: condemn it as an improbable fiction.

SIR TOBY BELCH
123: His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

MARIA
124: Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

FABIAN
125: Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

MARIA
126: The house will be the quieter.

SIR TOBY BELCH
127: Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
128: niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
129: may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
130: till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
131: us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
132: bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
133: finder of madmen. But see, but see.

Enter SIR ANDREW

FABIAN
134: More matter for a May morning.

SIR ANDREW
135: Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
136: vinegar and pepper in't.

FABIAN
137: Is't so saucy?

SIR ANDREW
138: Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.

SIR TOBY BELCH
139: Give me.
[Reads]
140: 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

FABIAN
141: Good, and valiant.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
142: 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
143: why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

FABIAN
144: A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
145: 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
146: sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
147: throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

FABIAN
148: Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
149: 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it
150: be thy chance to kill me,'--

FABIAN
151: Good.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
152: 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'

FABIAN
153: Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.

SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
154: 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
155: one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
156: my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
157: friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
158: ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
159: If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
160: I'll give't him.

MARIA
161: You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
162: some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

SIR TOBY BELCH
163: Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
164: orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
165: him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
166: it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
167: swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
168: more approbation than ever proof itself would have
169: earned him. Away!

SIR ANDREW
170: Nay, let me alone for swearing.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
171: Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
172: of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
173: capacity and breeding; his employment between his
174: lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
175: letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
176: terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
177: clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
178: word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
179: of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
180: youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
181: opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
182: This will so fright them both that they will kill
183: one another by the look, like cockatrices.

Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA

FABIAN
184: Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
185: he take leave, and presently after him.

SIR TOBY BELCH
186: I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
187: for a challenge.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA

OLIVIA
188: I have said too much unto a heart of stone
189: And laid mine honour too unchary out:
190: There's something in me that reproves my fault;
191: But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
192: That it but mocks reproof.

VIOLA
193: With the same 'havior that your passion bears
194: Goes on my master's grief.

OLIVIA
195: Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
196: Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
197: And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
198: What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
199: That honour saved may upon asking give?

VIOLA
200: Nothing but this; your true love for my master.

OLIVIA
201: How with mine honour may I give him that
202: Which I have given to you?

VIOLA
203: I will acquit you.

OLIVIA
204: Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
205: A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

Exit

Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN

SIR TOBY BELCH
206: Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA
207: And you, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH
208: That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
209: nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
210: not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
211: the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
212: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
213: thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

VIOLA
214: You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
215: to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
216: any image of offence done to any man.

SIR TOBY BELCH
217: You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
218: if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
219: your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
220: youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.

VIOLA
221: I pray you, sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH
222: He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
223: carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
224: brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
225: his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
226: that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
227: and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.

VIOLA
228: I will return again into the house and desire some
229: conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
230: of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
231: others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
232: of that quirk.

SIR TOBY BELCH
233: Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
234: very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
235: give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
236: house, unless you undertake that with me which with
237: as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
238: or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
239: must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

VIOLA
240: This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
241: this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
242: my offence to him is: it is something of my
243: negligence, nothing of my purpose.

SIR TOBY BELCH
244: I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
245: gentleman till my return.

Exit

VIOLA
246: Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

FABIAN
247: I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
248: mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.

VIOLA
249: I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

FABIAN
250: Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
251: his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
252: of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
253: bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
254: have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
255: towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
256: can.

VIOLA
257: I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
258: had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
259: care not who knows so much of my mettle.

Exeunt

Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH
260: Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
261: firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
262: all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
263: motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
264: pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
265: step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

SIR ANDREW
266: Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.

SIR TOBY BELCH
267: Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
268: scarce hold him yonder.

SIR ANDREW
269: Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
270: cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
271: have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
272: and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

SIR TOBY BELCH
273: I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
274: on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
[Aside]
275: Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA]
[To FABIAN]
276: I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
277: I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.

FABIAN
278: He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
279: looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

SIR TOBY BELCH [To VIOLA]
280: There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
281: with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
282: bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
283: scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
284: the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

VIOLA [Aside]
285: Pray God defend me! A little thing would
286: make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

FABIAN
287: Give ground, if you see him furious.

SIR TOBY BELCH
288: Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
289: will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
290: he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
291: promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
292: will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

SIR ANDREW
293: Pray God, he keep his oath!

VIOLA
294: I do assure you, 'tis against my will.

They draw

Enter ANTONIO

ANTONIO
295: Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
296: Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
297: If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY BELCH
298: You, sir! why, what are you?

ANTONIO
299: One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
300: Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY BELCH
301: Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

They draw

Enter Officers

FABIAN
302: O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.

SIR TOBY BELCH
303: I'll be with you anon.

VIOLA
304: Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

SIR ANDREW
305: Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
306: I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
307: and reins well.

First Officer
308: This is the man; do thy office.

Second Officer
309: Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

ANTONIO
310: You do mistake me, sir.

First Officer
311: No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
312: Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
313: Take him away: he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO
314: I must obey.
[To VIOLA]
315: This comes with seeking you:
316: But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
317: What will you do, now my necessity
318: Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
319: Much more for what I cannot do for you
320: Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
321: But be of comfort.

Second Officer
322: Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO
323: I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA
324: What money, sir?
325: For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
326: And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
327: Out of my lean and low ability
328: I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
329: I'll make division of my present with you:
330: Hold, there's half my coffer.

ANTONIO
331: Will you deny me now?
332: Is't possible that my deserts to you
333: Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
334: Lest that it make me so unsound a man
335: As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
336: That I have done for you.

VIOLA
337: I know of none;
338: Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
339: I hate ingratitude more in a man
340: Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
341: Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
342: Inhabits our frail blood.

ANTONIO
343: O heavens themselves!

Second Officer
344: Come, sir, I pray you, go.

ANTONIO
345: Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
346: I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
347: Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
348: And to his image, which methought did promise
349: Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

First Officer
350: What's that to us? The time goes by: away!

ANTONIO
351: But O how vile an idol proves this god
352: Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
353: In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
354: None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
355: Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
356: Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.

First Officer
357: The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

ANTONIO
358: Lead me on.

Exit with Officers

VIOLA
359: Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
360: That he believes himself: so do not I.
361: Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
362: That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

SIR TOBY BELCH
363: Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
364: whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

VIOLA
365: He named Sebastian: I my brother know
366: Yet living in my glass; even such and so
367: In favour was my brother, and he went
368: Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
369: For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
370: Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
371: A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
372: a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
373: friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
374: his cowardship, ask Fabian.

FABIAN
375: A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

SIR ANDREW
376: 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

SIR TOBY BELCH
377: Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

SIR ANDREW
378: An I do not,--

FABIAN
379: Come, let's see the event.

SIR TOBY BELCH
380: I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

Exeunt

ACT IV, SCENE I.

Before OLIVIA's house.

Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown

Clown
001: Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN
002: Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
003: Let me be clear of thee.

Clown
004: Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
005: I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
006: speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
007: nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

SEBASTIAN
008: I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou
009: know'st not me.

Clown
010: Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
011: great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
012: folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
013: will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
014: strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my
015: lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN
016: I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There's
017: money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
018: worse payment.

Clown
019: By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
020: that give fools money get themselves a good
021: report--after fourteen years' purchase.

Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN

SIR ANDREW
022: Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.

SEBASTIAN
023: Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all
024: the people mad?

SIR TOBY BELCH
025: Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

Clown
026: This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
027: in some of your coats for two pence.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH
028: Come on, sir; hold.

SIR ANDREW
029: Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
030: with him; I'll have an action of battery against
031: him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I
032: struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.

SEBASTIAN
033: Let go thy hand.

SIR TOBY BELCH
034: Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
035: soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

SEBASTIAN
036: I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If
037: thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

SIR TOBY BELCH
038: What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two
039: of this malapert blood from you.

Enter OLIVIA

OLIVIA
040: Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!

SIR TOBY BELCH
041: Madam!

OLIVIA
042: Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
043: Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
044: Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!
045: Be not offended, dear Cesario.
046: Rudesby, be gone!
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
047: I prithee, gentle friend,
048: Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
049: In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
050: Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
051: And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
052: This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
053: Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
054: Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
055: He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

SEBASTIAN
056: What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
057: Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
058: Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
059: If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

OLIVIA
060: Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!

SEBASTIAN
061: Madam, I will.

OLIVIA
062: O, say so, and so be!

Exeunt

ACT IV, SCENE II.

OLIVIA's house.

Enter MARIA and Clown

MARIA
001: Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
002: make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do
003: it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.

Exit

Clown
004: Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
005: in't; and I would I were the first that ever
006: dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
007: become the function well, nor lean enough to be
008: thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
009: and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
010: careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
011: Jove bless thee, master Parson.

Clown
012: Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
013: Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
014: said to a niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;'
015: so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for,
016: what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?

SIR TOBY BELCH
017: To him, Sir Topas.

Clown
018: What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!

SIR TOBY BELCH
019: The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

MALVOLIO [Within]
020: Who calls there?

Clown
021: Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
022: the lunatic.

MALVOLIO
023: Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

Clown
024: Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
025: talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

SIR TOBY BELCH
026: Well said, Master Parson.

MALVOLIO
027: Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir
028: Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me
029: here in hideous darkness.

Clown
030: Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
031: modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
032: that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
033: sayest thou that house is dark?

MALVOLIO
034: As hell, Sir Topas.

Clown
035: Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
036: and the clearstores toward the south north are as
037: lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
038: obstruction?

MALVOLIO
039: I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.

Clown
040: Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
041: but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
042: the Egyptians in their fog.

MALVOLIO
043: I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
044: ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
045: was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
046: are: make the trial of it in any constant question.

Clown
047: What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

MALVOLIO
048: That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

Clown
049: What thinkest thou of his opinion?

MALVOLIO
050: I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

Clown
051: Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
052: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
053: allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
054: thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

MALVOLIO
055: Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

SIR TOBY BELCH
056: My most exquisite Sir Topas!

Clown
057: Nay, I am for all waters.

MARIA
058: Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and
059: gown: he sees thee not.

SIR TOBY BELCH
060: To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how
061: thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this
062: knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I
063: would he were, for I am now so far in offence with
064: my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this
065: sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

Clown [Singing]
066: 'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
067: Tell me how thy lady does.'

MALVOLIO
068: Fool!

Clown
069: 'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

MALVOLIO
070: Fool!

Clown
071: 'Alas, why is she so?'

MALVOLIO
072: Fool, I say!

Clown
073: 'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?

MALVOLIO
074: Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
075: hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:
076: as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to
077: thee for't.

Clown
078: Master Malvolio?

MALVOLIO
079: Ay, good fool.

Clown
080: Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

MALVOLIO
081: Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I
082: am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

Clown
083: But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
084: better in your wits than a fool.

MALVOLIO
085: They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
086: send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
087: face me out of my wits.

Clown
088: Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
089: Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore!
090: endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain
091: bibble babble.

MALVOLIO
092: Sir Topas!

Clown
093: Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
094: sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas.
095: Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.

MALVOLIO
096: Fool, fool, fool, I say!

Clown
097: Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
098: shent for speaking to you.

MALVOLIO
099: Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I
100: tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

Clown
101: Well-a-day that you were, sir

MALVOLIO
102: By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and
103: light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:
104: it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing
105: of letter did.

Clown
106: I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
107: not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

MALVOLIO
108: Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

Clown
109: Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
110: brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

MALVOLIO
111: Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
112: prithee, be gone.

Clown [Singing]
113: I am gone, sir,
114: And anon, sir,
115: I'll be with you again,
116: In a trice,
117: Like to the old Vice,
118: Your need to sustain;
119: Who, with dagger of lath,
120: In his rage and his wrath,
121: Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
122: Like a mad lad,
123: Pare thy nails, dad;
124: Adieu, good man devil.

Exit

ACT IV, SCENE III.

OLIVIA's garden.

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN
001: This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
002: This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
003: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
004: Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
005: I could not find him at the Elephant:
006: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
007: That he did range the town to seek me out.
008: His counsel now might do me golden service;
009: For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
010: That this may be some error, but no madness,
011: Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
012: So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
013: That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
014: And wrangle with my reason that persuades me
015: To any other trust but that I am mad
016: Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
017: She could not sway her house, command her followers,
018: Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
019: With such a smooth, discreet and stable bearing
020: As I perceive she does: there's something in't
021: That is deceiveable. But here the lady comes.

Enter OLIVIA and Priest

OLIVIA
022: Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
023: Now go with me and with this holy man
024: Into the chantry by: there, before him,
025: And underneath that consecrated roof,
026: Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
027: That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
028: May live at peace. He shall conceal it
029: Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
030: What time we will our celebration keep
031: According to my birth. What do you say?

SEBASTIAN
032: I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
033: And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

OLIVIA
034: Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
035: That they may fairly note this act of mine!

Exeunt

ACT V, SCENE I.

Before OLIVIA's house.

Enter Clown and FABIAN

FABIAN
001: Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

Clown
002: Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

FABIAN
003: Any thing.

Clown
004: Do not desire to see this letter.

FABIAN
005: This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my
006: dog again.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords

DUKE ORSINO
007: Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

Clown
008: Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

DUKE ORSINO
009: I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

Clown
010: Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
011: for my friends.

DUKE ORSINO
012: Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

Clown
013: No, sir, the worse.

DUKE ORSINO
014: How can that be?

Clown
015: Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
016: now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
017: my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
018: and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
019: conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
020: make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
021: my friends and the better for my foes.

DUKE ORSINO
022: Why, this is excellent.

Clown
023: By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
024: one of my friends.

DUKE ORSINO
025: Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

Clown
026: But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
027: you could make it another.

DUKE ORSINO
028: O, you give me ill counsel.

Clown
029: Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
030: and let your flesh and blood obey it.

DUKE ORSINO
031: Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
032: double-dealer: there's another.

Clown
033: Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
034: saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
035: sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
036: Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

DUKE ORSINO
037: You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
038: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
039: with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
040: my bounty further.

Clown
041: Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
042: again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
043: that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
044: but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
045: will awake it anon.

Exit

VIOLA
046: Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

Enter ANTONIO and Officers

DUKE ORSINO
047: That face of his I do remember well;
048: Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
049: As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
050: A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
051: For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
052: With which such scathful grapple did he make
053: With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
054: That very envy and the tongue of loss
055: Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?

First Officer
056: Orsino, this is that Antonio
057: That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;
058: And this is he that did the Tiger board,
059: When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
060: Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
061: In private brabble did we apprehend him.

VIOLA
062: He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
063: But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
064: I know not what 'twas but distraction.

DUKE ORSINO
065: Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
066: What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,
067: Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
068: Hast made thine enemies?

ANTONIO
069: Orsino, noble sir,
070: Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
071: Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
072: Though I confess, on base and ground enough,
073: Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
074: That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
075: From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
076: Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
077: His life I gave him and did thereto add
078: My love, without retention or restraint,
079: All his in dedication; for his sake
080: Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
081: Into the danger of this adverse town;
082: Drew to defend him when he was beset:
083: Where being apprehended, his false cunning,
084: Not meaning to partake with me in danger,
085: Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
086: And grew a twenty years removed thing
087: While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
088: Which I had recommended to his use
089: Not half an hour before.

VIOLA
090: How can this be?

DUKE ORSINO
091: When came he to this town?

ANTONIO
092: To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
093: No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
094: Both day and night did we keep company.

Enter OLIVIA and Attendants

DUKE ORSINO
095: Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
096: But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
097: Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
098: But more of that anon. Take him aside.

OLIVIA
099: What would my lord, but that he may not have,
100: Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
101: Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

VIOLA
102: Madam!

DUKE ORSINO
103: Gracious Olivia,--

OLIVIA
104: What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

VIOLA
105: My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

OLIVIA
106: If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
107: It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
108: As howling after music.

DUKE ORSINO
109: Still so cruel?

OLIVIA
110: Still so constant, lord.

DUKE ORSINO
111: What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
112: To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
113: My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
114: That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

OLIVIA
115: Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

DUKE ORSINO
116: Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
117: Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
118: Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy
119: That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this:
120: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
121: And that I partly know the instrument
122: That screws me from my true place in your favour,
123: Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
124: But this your minion, whom I know you love,
125: And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
126: Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
127: Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
128: Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
129: I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
130: To spite a raven's heart within a dove.

VIOLA
131: And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
132: To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA
133: Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA
134: After him I love
135: More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
136: More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
137: If I do feign, you witnesses above
138: Punish my life for tainting of my love!

OLIVIA
139: Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

VIOLA
140: Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

OLIVIA
141: Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
142: Call forth the holy father.

DUKE ORSINO
143: Come, away!

OLIVIA
144: Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

DUKE ORSINO
145: Husband!

OLIVIA
146: Ay, husband: can he that deny?

DUKE ORSINO
147: Her husband, sirrah!

VIOLA
148: No, my lord, not I.

OLIVIA
149: Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
150: That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
151: Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
152: Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
153: As great as that thou fear'st.
[Enter Priest]
154: O, welcome, father!
155: Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
156: Here to unfold, though lately we intended
157: To keep in darkness what occasion now
158: Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
159: Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

Priest
160: A contract of eternal bond of love,
161: Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
162: Attested by the holy close of lips,
163: Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
164: And all the ceremony of this compact
165: Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
166: Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
167: I have travell'd but two hours.

DUKE ORSINO
168: O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
169: When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
170: Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
171: That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
172: Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
173: Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

VIOLA
174: My lord, I do protest--

OLIVIA
175: O, do not swear!
176: Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW
177: For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
178: to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA
179: What's the matter?

SIR ANDREW
180: He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
181: a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
182: help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

OLIVIA
183: Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW
184: The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
185: a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

DUKE ORSINO
186: My gentleman, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW
187: 'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
188: nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
189: by Sir Toby.

VIOLA
190: Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
191: You drew your sword upon me without cause;
192: But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

SIR ANDREW
193: If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
194: think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown]
195: Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:
196: but if he had not been in drink, he would have
197: tickled you othergates than he did.

DUKE ORSINO
198: How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

SIR TOBY BELCH
199: That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
200: on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

Clown
201: O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
202: were set at eight i' the morning.

SIR TOBY BELCH
203: Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I
204: hate a drunken rogue.

OLIVIA
205: Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

SIR ANDREW
206: I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.

SIR TOBY BELCH
207: Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a
208: knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

OLIVIA
209: Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN
210: I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
211: But, had it been the brother of my blood,
212: I must have done no less with wit and safety.
213: You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
214: I do perceive it hath offended you:
215: Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
216: We made each other but so late ago.

DUKE ORSINO
217: One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
218: A natural perspective, that is and is not!

SEBASTIAN
219: Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
220: How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
221: Since I have lost thee!

ANTONIO
222: Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN
223: Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO
224: How have you made division of yourself?
225: An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
226: Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA
227: Most wonderful!

SEBASTIAN
228: Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
229: Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
230: Of here and every where. I had a sister,
231: Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
232: Of charity, what kin are you to me?
233: What countryman? what name? what parentage?

VIOLA
234: Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
235: Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
236: So went he suited to his watery tomb:
237: If spirits can assume both form and suit
238: You come to fright us.

SEBASTIAN
239: A spirit I am indeed;
240: But am in that dimension grossly clad
241: Which from the womb I did participate.
242: Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
243: I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
244: And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

VIOLA
245: My father had a mole upon his brow.

SEBASTIAN
246: And so had mine.

VIOLA
247: And died that day when Viola from her birth
248: Had number'd thirteen years.

SEBASTIAN
249: O, that record is lively in my soul!
250: He finished indeed his mortal act
251: That day that made my sister thirteen years.

VIOLA
252: If nothing lets to make us happy both
253: But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
254: Do not embrace me till each circumstance
255: Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
256: That I am Viola: which to confirm,
257: I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
258: Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
259: I was preserved to serve this noble count.
260: All the occurrence of my fortune since
261: Hath been between this lady and this lord.

SEBASTIAN [To OLIVIA]
262: So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
263: But nature to her bias drew in that.
264: You would have been contracted to a maid;
265: Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
266: You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.

DUKE ORSINO
267: Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
268: If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
269: I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
[To VIOLA]
270: Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
271: Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

VIOLA
272: And all those sayings will I overswear;
273: And those swearings keep as true in soul
274: As doth that orbed continent the fire
275: That severs day from night.

DUKE ORSINO
276: Give me thy hand;
277: And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

VIOLA
278: The captain that did bring me first on shore
279: Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
280: Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
281: A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.

OLIVIA
282: He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
283: And yet, alas, now I remember me,
284: They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
[Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN]
285: A most extracting frenzy of mine own
286: From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
287: How does he, sirrah?

Clown
288: Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
289: well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
290: letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
291: morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
292: so it skills not much when they are delivered.

OLIVIA
293: Open't, and read it.

Clown
294: Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
295: the madman.
[Reads]
296: 'By the Lord, madam,'--

OLIVIA
297: How now! art thou mad?

Clown
298: No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
299: will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

OLIVIA
300: Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

Clown
301: So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
302: read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

OLIVIA
303: Read it you, sirrah.

To FABIAN

FABIAN [Reads]
304: 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the
305: world shall know it: though you have put me into
306: darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
307: me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as
308: your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
309: me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt
310: not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
311: Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little
312: unthought of and speak out of my injury.
313: THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

OLIVIA
314: Did he write this?

Clown
315: Ay, madam.

DUKE ORSINO
316: This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA
317: See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.
[Exit FABIAN]
318: My lord so please you, these things further
319: thought on,
320: To think me as well a sister as a wife,
321: One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
322: Here at my house and at my proper cost.

DUKE ORSINO
323: Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
[To VIOLA]
324: Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
325: So much against the mettle of your sex,
326: So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
327: And since you call'd me master for so long,
328: Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
329: Your master's mistress.

OLIVIA
330: A sister! you are she.

Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO

DUKE ORSINO
331: Is this the madman?

OLIVIA
332: Ay, my lord, this same.
333: How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO
334: Madam, you have done me wrong,
335: Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA
336: Have I, Malvolio? no.

MALVOLIO
337: Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
338: You must not now deny it is your hand:
339: Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
340: Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
341: You can say none of this: well, grant it then
342: And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
343: Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
344: Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,
345: To put on yellow stockings and to frown
346: Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
347: And, acting this in an obedient hope,
348: Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
349: Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
350: And made the most notorious geck and gull
351: That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.

OLIVIA
352: Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
353: Though, I confess, much like the character
354: But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
355: And now I do bethink me, it was she
356: First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
357: And in such forms which here were presupposed
358: Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
359: This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
360: But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
361: Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
362: Of thine own cause.

FABIAN
363: Good madam, hear me speak,
364: And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
365: Taint the condition of this present hour,
366: Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,
367: Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
368: Set this device against Malvolio here,
369: Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
370: We had conceived against him: Maria writ
371: The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
372: In recompense whereof he hath married her.
373: How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,
374: May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
375: If that the injuries be justly weigh'd
376: That have on both sides pass'd.

OLIVIA
377: Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Clown
378: Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
379: and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
380: one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
381: that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
382: But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
383: a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
384: and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

MALVOLIO
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