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1-1

Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger

LEONATO

I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon

comes this night to Messina.

MESSENGER

He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off

when I left him.

LEONATO

5How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

MESSENGER

But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO

A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings

home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath

bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

MESSENGER

10Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by

Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the

promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,

the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better

bettered expectation than you must expect of me to

15tell you how.

LEONATO

He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much

glad of it.

MESSENGER

I have already delivered him letters, and there

appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could

20not show itself modest enough without a badge of

bitterness.

LEONATO

Did he break out into tears?

MESSENGER

In great measure.

LEONATO

A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces

25truer than those that are so washed. How much

better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

BEATRICE

I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the

wars or no?

MESSENGER

I know none of that name, lady: there was none such

30in the army of any sort.

LEONATO

What is he that you ask for, niece?

HERO

My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

MESSENGER

O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE

He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged

35Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading

the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged

him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he

killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath

he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

LEONATO

40Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;

but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

MESSENGER

He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE

You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it:

he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an

45excellent stomach.

MESSENGER

And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE

And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?

MESSENGER

A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all

honourable virtues.

BEATRICE

50It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man:

but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO

You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a

kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:

they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit

55between them.

BEATRICE

Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last

conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and

now is the whole man governed with one: so that if

he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him

60bear it for a difference between himself and his

horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,

to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his

companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

MESSENGER

Is't possible?

BEATRICE

65Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as

the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the

next block.

MESSENGER

I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE

No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray

70you, who is his companion? Is there no young

squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

MESSENGER

He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE

O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he

is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker

75runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if

he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a

thousand pound ere a' be cured.

MESSENGER

I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE

Do, good friend.

LEONATO

80You will never run mad, niece.

BEATRICE

No, not till a hot January.

MESSENGER

Don Pedro is approached.

Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and BALTHASAR

DON PEDRO

Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your

trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid

85cost, and you encounter it.

LEONATO

Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of

your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should

remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides

and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO

90You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this

is your daughter.

LEONATO

Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK

Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

LEONATO

Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO

95You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this

what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers

herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an

honourable father.

BENEDICK

If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not

100have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as

like him as she is.

BEATRICE

I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior

Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENEDICK

What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BEATRICE

105Is it possible disdain should die while she hath

such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?

Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come

in her presence.

BENEDICK

Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I

110am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I

would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard

heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEATRICE

A dear happiness to women: they would else have

been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God

115and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I

had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man

swear he loves me.

BENEDICK

God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some

gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate

120scratched face.

BEATRICE

Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such

a face as yours were.

BENEDICK

Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE

A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK

125I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and

so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's

name; I have done.

BEATRICE

You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

DON PEDRO

That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio

130and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath

invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at

the least a month; and he heartily prays some

occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no

hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO

135If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.

Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to

the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

DON JOHN

I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank

you.

LEONATO

140Please it your grace lead on?

DON PEDRO

Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO

CLAUDIO

Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

BENEDICK

I noted her not; but I looked on her.

CLAUDIO

Is she not a modest young lady?

BENEDICK

145Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for

my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak

after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

CLAUDIO

No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK

Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high

150praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little

for a great praise: only this commendation I can

afford her, that were she other than she is, she

were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I

do not like her.

CLAUDIO

155Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me

truly how thou likest her.

BENEDICK

Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

CLAUDIO

Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICK

Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this

160with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack,

to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a

rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take

you, to go in the song?

CLAUDIO

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I

165looked on.

BENEDICK

I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such

matter: there's her cousin, an she were not

possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty

as the first of May doth the last of December. But I

170hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

CLAUDIO

I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the

contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK

Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world

one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?

175Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again?

Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck

into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away

Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Re-enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO

What secret hath held you here, that you followed

180not to Leonato's?

BENEDICK

I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO

I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK

You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb

man; I would have you think so; but, on my

185allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is

in love. With who? now that is your grace's part.

Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's

short daughter.

CLAUDIO

If this were so, so were it uttered.

BENEDICK

190Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor

'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be

so.'

CLAUDIO

If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it

should be otherwise.

DON PEDRO

195Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

CLAUDIO

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, I speak my thought.

CLAUDIO

And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK

And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO

200That I love her, I feel.

DON PEDRO

That she is worthy, I know.

BENEDICK

That I neither feel how she should be loved nor

know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that

fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.

DON PEDRO

205Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite

of beauty.

CLAUDIO

And never could maintain his part but in the force

of his will.

BENEDICK

That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she

210brought me up, I likewise give her most humble

thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my

forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,

all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do

them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the

215right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which

I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO

I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK

With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,

not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood

220with love than I will get again with drinking, pick

out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me

up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of

blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO

Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou

225wilt prove a notable argument.

BENEDICK

If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot

at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on

the shoulder, and called Adam.

DON PEDRO

Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull

230doth bear the yoke.'

BENEDICK

The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible

Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set

them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted,

and in such great letters as they write 'Here is

235good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign

'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

CLAUDIO

If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

DON PEDRO

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in

Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK

240I look for an earthquake too, then.

DON PEDRO

Well, you temporize with the hours. In the

meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to

Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will

not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made

245great preparation.

BENEDICK

I have almost matter enough in me for such an

embassage; and so I commit you--

CLAUDIO

To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--

DON PEDRO

The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK

250Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your

discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and

the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere

you flout old ends any further, examine your

conscience: and so I leave you.

Exit

CLAUDIO

255My liege, your highness now may do me good.

DON PEDRO

My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn

Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

CLAUDIO

Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

DON PEDRO

260No child but Hero; she's his only heir.

Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

CLAUDIO

O, my lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,

I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,

265That liked, but had a rougher task in hand

Than to drive liking to the name of love:

But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts

Have left their places vacant, in their rooms

Come thronging soft and delicate desires,

270All prompting me how fair young Hero is,

Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars.

DON PEDRO

Thou wilt be like a lover presently

And tire the hearer with a book of words.

If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,

275And I will break with her and with her father,

And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end

That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

CLAUDIO

How sweetly you do minister to love,

That know love's grief by his complexion!

280But lest my liking might too sudden seem,

I would have salved it with a longer treatise.

DON PEDRO

What need the bridge much broader than the flood?

The fairest grant is the necessity.

Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,

285And I will fit thee with the remedy.

I know we shall have revelling to-night:

I will assume thy part in some disguise

And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,

And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart

290And take her hearing prisoner with the force

And strong encounter of my amorous tale:

Then after to her father will I break;

And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.

In practise let us put it presently.

Exeunt

1-2

Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting

LEONATO

How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son?

hath he provided this music?

ANTONIO

He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell

you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.

LEONATO

5Are they good?

ANTONIO

As the event stamps them: but they have a good

cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count

Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine

orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine:

10the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my

niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it

this night in a dance: and if he found her

accordant, he meant to take the present time by the

top and instantly break with you of it.

LEONATO

15Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

ANTONIO

A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and

question him yourself.

LEONATO

No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear

itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal,

20that she may be the better prepared for an answer,

if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it.

Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you

mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your

skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.

Exeunt

1-3

Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE

CONRADE

What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out

of measure sad?

DON JOHN

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;

therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE

5You should hear reason.

DON JOHN

And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

CONRADE

If not a present remedy, at least a patient

sufferance.

DON JOHN

I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,

10born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral

medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide

what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile

at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait

for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and

15tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and

claw no man in his humour.

CONRADE

Yea, but you must not make the full show of this

till you may do it without controlment. You have of

late stood out against your brother, and he hath

20ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is

impossible you should take true root but by the

fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful

that you frame the season for your own harvest.

DON JOHN

I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in

25his grace, and it better fits my blood to be

disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob

love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to

be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied

but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with

30a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I

have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my

mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do

my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and

seek not to alter me.

CONRADE

35Can you make no use of your discontent?

DON JOHN

I make all use of it, for I use it only.

Who comes here?

What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO

I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your

40brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I

can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

DON JOHN

Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?

What is he for a fool that betroths himself to

unquietness?

BORACHIO

45Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

DON JOHN

Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO

Even he.

DON JOHN

A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks

he?

BORACHIO

50Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

DON JOHN

A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

BORACHIO

Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a

musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand

in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the

55arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the

prince should woo Hero for himself, and having

obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

DON JOHN

Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to

my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the

60glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I

bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

CONRADE

To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN

Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the

greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of

65my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?

BORACHIO

We'll wait upon your lordship.

Exeunt

2-1

Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others

LEONATO

Was not Count John here at supper?

ANTONIO

I saw him not.

BEATRICE

How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see

him but I am heart-burned an hour after.

HERO

5He is of a very melancholy disposition.

BEATRICE

He were an excellent man that were made just in the

midway between him and Benedick: the one is too

like an image and says nothing, and the other too

like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling.

LEONATO

10Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's

mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in Signior

Benedick's face,--

BEATRICE

With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money

enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman

15in the world, if a' could get her good-will.

LEONATO

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a

husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

ANTONIO

In faith, she's too curst.

BEATRICE

Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's

20sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst

cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none.

LEONATO

So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

BEATRICE

Just, if he send me no husband; for the which

blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and

25evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a

beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.

LEONATO

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel

and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a

30beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no

beard is less than a man: and he that is more than

a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a

man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take

sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his

35apes into hell.

LEONATO

Well, then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE

No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet

me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and

say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to

40heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver

I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the

heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and

there live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO

Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled

45by your father.

BEATRICE

Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy

and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for all

that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else

make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it please

50me.'

LEONATO

Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

BEATRICE

Not till God make men of some other metal than

earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be

overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make

55an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?

No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren;

and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO

Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince

do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

BEATRICE

60The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be

not wooed in good time: if the prince be too

important, tell him there is measure in every thing

and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero:

wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig,

65a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is hot

and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as

fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a

measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes

repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the

70cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

LEONATO

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO

The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.

All put on their masks

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, DON JOHN, BORACHIO, MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked

DON PEDRO

Lady, will you walk about with your friend?

HERO

75So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing,

I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

DON PEDRO

With me in your company?

HERO

I may say so, when I please.

DON PEDRO

And when please you to say so?

HERO

80When I like your favour; for God defend the lute

should be like the case!

DON PEDRO

My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.

HERO

Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

DON PEDRO

Speak low, if you speak love.

Drawing her aside

BALTHASAR

85Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET

So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many

ill-qualities.

BALTHASAR

Which is one?

MARGARET

I say my prayers aloud.

BALTHASAR

90I love you the better: the hearers may cry, Amen.

MARGARET

God match me with a good dancer!

BALTHASAR

Amen.

MARGARET

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is

done! Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR

95No more words: the clerk is answered.

URSULA

I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA

100You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were

the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you

are he, you are he.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your

105excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go to,

mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an

end.

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE

110Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK

Not now.

BEATRICE

That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit

out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this was

Signior Benedick that said so.

BENEDICK

115What's he?

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK

Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE

120Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool;

only his gift is in devising impossible slanders:

none but libertines delight in him; and the

commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany;

for he both pleases men and angers them, and then

125they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in

the fleet: I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.

BEATRICE

Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me;

which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at,

130strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a

partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no

supper that night.

We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK

In every good thing.

BEATRICE

135Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at

the next turning.

Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO

DON JOHN

Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath

withdrawn her father to break with him about it.

The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.

BORACHIO

140And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.

DON JOHN

Are not you Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO

You know me well; I am he.

DON JOHN

Signior, you are very near my brother in his love:

he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him

145from her: she is no equal for his birth: you may

do the part of an honest man in it.

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO

So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.

DON JOHN

150Come, let us to the banquet.

Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO

CLAUDIO

Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,

But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.

'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.

Friendship is constant in all other things

155Save in the office and affairs of love:

Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues;

Let every eye negotiate for itself

And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch

Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.

160This is an accident of hourly proof,

Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

Re-enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO

Yea, the same.

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO

165Whither?

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business,

county. What fashion will you wear the garland of?

about your neck, like an usurer's chain? or under

your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear

170it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK

Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they

sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would

have served you thus?

CLAUDIO

175I pray you, leave me.

BENEDICK

Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the

boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.

CLAUDIO

If it will not be, I'll leave you.

Exit

BENEDICK

Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges.

180But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not

know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I go

under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I

am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it

is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice

185that puts the world into her person and so gives me

out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.

Re-enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO

Now, signior, where's the count? did you see him?

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame.

I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a

190warren: I told him, and I think I told him true,

that your grace had got the good will of this young

lady; and I offered him my company to a willow-tree,

either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or

to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.

DON PEDRO

195To be whipped! What's his fault?

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a schoolboy, who, being

overjoyed with finding a birds' nest, shows it his

companion, and he steals it.

DON PEDRO

Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The

200transgression is in the stealer.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made,

and the garland too; for the garland he might have

worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on

you, who, as I take it, have stolen his birds' nest.

DON PEDRO

205I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to

the owner.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith,

you say honestly.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the

210gentleman that danced with her told her she is much

wronged by you.

BENEDICK

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!

an oak but with one green leaf on it would have

answered her; my very visor began to assume life and

215scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been

myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was

duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest

with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood

like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at

220me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs:

if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,

there were no living near her; she would infect to

the north star. I would not marry her, though she

were endowed with all that Adam bad left him before

225he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have

turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make

the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find

her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God

some scholar would conjure her; for certainly, while

230she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a

sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they

would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror

and perturbation follows her.

DON PEDRO

Look, here she comes.

Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO

BENEDICK

235Will your grace command me any service to the

world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now

to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;

I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the

furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of

240Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great

Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies,

rather than hold three words' conference with this

harpy. You have no employment for me?

DON PEDRO

None, but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK

245O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot

endure my Lady Tongue.

Exit

DON PEDRO

Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of

Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave

250him use for it, a double heart for his single one:

marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,

therefore your grace may well say I have lost it.

DON PEDRO

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

BEATRICE

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I

255should prove the mother of fools. I have brought

Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO

Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO

Not sad, my lord.

DON PEDRO

How then? sick?

CLAUDIO

260Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE

The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor

well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and

something of that jealous complexion.

DON PEDRO

I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true;

265though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is

false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and

fair Hero is won: I have broke with her father,

and his good will obtained: name the day of

marriage, and God give thee joy!

LEONATO

270Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my

fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and an

grace say Amen to it.

BEATRICE

Speak, count, 'tis your cue.

CLAUDIO

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were

275but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as

you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for

you and dote upon the exchange.

BEATRICE

Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth

with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.

DON PEDRO

280In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE

Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on

the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his

ear that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO

And so she doth, cousin.

BEATRICE

285Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the

world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a

corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!

DON PEDRO

Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE

I would rather have one of your father's getting.

290Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your

father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO

Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE

No, my lord, unless I might have another for

working-days: your grace is too costly to wear

295every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I

was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

DON PEDRO

Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best

becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in

a merry hour.

BEATRICE

300No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there

was a star danced, and under that was I born.

Cousins, God give you joy!

LEONATO

Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

BEATRICE

I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's pardon.

Exit

DON PEDRO

305By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO

There's little of the melancholy element in her, my

lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps, and

not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say,

she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked

310herself with laughing.

DON PEDRO

She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

LEONATO

O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.

DON PEDRO

She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

LEONATO

O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married,

315they would talk themselves mad.

DON PEDRO

County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

CLAUDIO

To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till love

have all his rites.

LEONATO

Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just

320seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have all

things answer my mind.

DON PEDRO

Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing:

but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go

dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of

325Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior

Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of

affection the one with the other. I would fain have

it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if

you three will but minister such assistance as I

330shall give you direction.

LEONATO

My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten

nights' watchings.

CLAUDIO

And I, my lord.

DON PEDRO

And you too, gentle Hero?

HERO

335I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my

cousin to a good husband.

DON PEDRO

And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that

I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble

strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty. I

340will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she

shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your

two helps, will so practise on Benedick that, in

despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he

shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this,

345Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be

ours, for we are the only love-gods. Go in with me,

and I will tell you my drift.

Exeunt

2-2

Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO

DON JOHN

It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the

daughter of Leonato.

BORACHIO

Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.

DON JOHN

Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be

5medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him,

and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges

evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage?

BORACHIO

Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no

dishonesty shall appear in me.

DON JOHN

10Show me briefly how.

BORACHIO

I think I told your lordship a year since, how much

I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting

gentlewoman to Hero.

DON JOHN

I remember.

BORACHIO

15I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night,

appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window.

DON JOHN

What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?

BORACHIO

The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to

the prince your brother; spare not to tell him that

20he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned

Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily hold

up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

DON JOHN

What proof shall I make of that?

BORACHIO

Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio,

25to undo Hero and kill Leonato. Look you for any

other issue?

DON JOHN

Only to despite them, I will endeavour any thing.

BORACHIO

Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and

the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you know

30that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the

prince and Claudio, as,--in love of your brother's

honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's

reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the

semblance of a maid,--that you have discovered

35thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial:

offer them instances; which shall bear no less

likelihood than to see me at her chamber-window,

hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me

Claudio; and bring them to see this the very night

40before the intended wedding,--for in the meantime I

will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be

absent,--and there shall appear such seeming truth

of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be called

assurance and all the preparation overthrown.

DON JOHN

45Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put

it in practise. Be cunning in the working this, and

thy fee is a thousand ducats.

BORACHIO

Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning

shall not shame me.

DON JOHN

50I will presently go learn their day of marriage.

Exeunt

2-3

Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK

Boy!

Enter Boy

BOY

Signior?

BENEDICK

In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither

to me in the orchard.

BOY

5I am here already, sir.

BENEDICK

I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again.

I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much

another man is a fool when he dedicates his

behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at

10such shallow follies in others, become the argument

of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man

is Claudio. I have known when there was no music

with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he

rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known

15when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a

good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake,

carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to

speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man

and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his

20words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many

strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with

these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not

be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but

I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster

25of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman

is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am

well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all

graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in

my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise,

30or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her;

fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not

near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good

discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall

be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and

35Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour.

Withdraws

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO

DON PEDRO

Come, shall we hear this music?

CLAUDIO

Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,

As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!

DON PEDRO

See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

CLAUDIO

40O, very well, my lord: the music ended,

We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

Enter BALTHASAR with Music

DON PEDRO

Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

BALTHASAR

O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice

To slander music any more than once.

DON PEDRO

45It is the witness still of excellency

To put a strange face on his own perfection.

I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.

BALTHASAR

Because you talk of wooing, I will sing;

Since many a wooer doth commence his suit

50To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,

Yet will he swear he loves.

DON PEDRO

Now, pray thee, come;

Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument,

Do it in notes.

BALTHASAR

55Note this before my notes;

There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

DON PEDRO

Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks;

Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing.

Air

BENEDICK

Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it

60not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out

of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when

all's done.

The Song

BALTHASAR

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,

Men were deceivers ever,

65One foot in sea and one on shore,

To one thing constant never:

Then sigh not so, but let them go,

And be you blithe and bonny,

Converting all your sounds of woe

70Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,

Of dumps so dull and heavy;

The fraud of men was ever so,

Since summer first was leafy:

75Then sigh not so, &c.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a good song.

BALTHASAR

And an ill singer, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift.

BENEDICK

An he had been a dog that should have howled thus,

80they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad

voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the

night-raven, come what plague could have come after

it.

DON PEDRO

Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee,

85get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we

would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber-window.

BALTHASAR

The best I can, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Do so: farewell.

Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of

90to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with

Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO

O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did

never think that lady would have loved any man.

LEONATO

No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she

95should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in

all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.

BENEDICK

Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

LEONATO

By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think

of it but that she loves him with an enraged

100affection: it is past the infinite of thought.

DON PEDRO

May be she doth but counterfeit.

CLAUDIO

Faith, like enough.

LEONATO

O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of

passion came so near the life of passion as she

105discovers it.

DON PEDRO

Why, what effects of passion shows she?

CLAUDIO

Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.

LEONATO

What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard

my daughter tell you how.

CLAUDIO

110She did, indeed.

DON PEDRO

How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I

thought her spirit had been invincible against all

assaults of affection.

LEONATO

I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially

115against Benedick.

BENEDICK

I should think this a gull, but that the

white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot,

sure, hide himself in such reverence.

CLAUDIO

He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

DON PEDRO

120Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

LEONATO

No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.

CLAUDIO

'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall

I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him

wi